


I never wanted love, but now it's come undone

by SpyKids69420



Series: Idiots to lovers [1]
Category: T@gged (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Happy Ending, Idiots in Love, M/M, Non-Explicit Sex, Tenderness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-15
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2020-05-12 01:44:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19219066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpyKids69420/pseuds/SpyKids69420
Summary: Trevor meets Brandon at camp. He doesn't like him.His feelings change along the way.Or, three parties that shape Brandon and Trevor's relationship.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> lol hey. Honestly I've just had this idea bouncing around my head for a while, and i kinda just needed to write it out lmao. i didnt proof-read so if there's any grammar mistakes then feel free to tell me. tumblr is bisexualbrowan, hope anyone reading this enjoys!!

For Trevor, loving Brandon Darrow was like a million punches to the gut.

 

It wasn’t always like that, though. 

They meet at camp. Trevor’s thirteen and Brandon’s freshly fourteen and Trevor thought Brandon was a dick. There was something about Brandon that just pissed him off. The way he just carried himself, seemingly without a care in the world, created a weird sense of jealously in Trevor. A confidence that Trevor believed he could never possess just radiated off the blonde boy. To Trevor, it looked as though Brandon Darrow has never had to deal with the hardship of life.

He finds out that isn’t true pretty quickly.

Six days into camp there’s a party. All the slightly older kids made sure the camp counselors wouldn’t notice they had sneaked in alcohol. Sean had offered him some beer, but Trevor denied. Even at thirteen, he knew he would never touch a drink in his life. He’s already seen the affects it has on his mother, and Trevor never wants to feel that way. 

Its quarter past eleven at night when Trevor calls it quits and heads back to his room. Shared with eight other boys, Trevor was the only one back already. He goes to lay down when he sees a figure in his bed, over the covers.

Trevor’s about to ask _what the fuck_ and demand the other boy to get the fuck out his bed when he notices-

Brandon’s _crying._

His eyes are closed, but Trevor can see the tears on his cheek, even in the dark. His eyebrows and scrunched and his lips are trembling, and Trevor notices he’s hugging himself. 

Something in Trevor shifts.

Brandon Darrow is an asshole. A dick. Kind of a bully. But for some reason, his tears seem so innocent and childlike. It’s like watching a child cry. Trevor can’t help but feel an urge to protect the older boy.

They don’t talk that night. He just sits next to Brandon and clasps a hand over his shoulder. At some point, Brandon’s head falls onto his lap, and Trevor doesn’t feel the urge to move it. He hears the boys breathing evening out and can tell he’s feel asleep. Repositioning them onto the bed, Trevor decides sleep would be a good option right now.

Trevor’s not alone when he wakes up in the morning. Most of the boys had came back and passed out. But there’s a presence missing from his bed that he misses.

Later that day, Brandon threatens him not to tell anyone about the previous night. 

For some reason, his words angered Trevor. Not him telling him not to tell anyone that it, but him feeling the need to say he’ll beat him up if he did. He didn’t have plans on telling anyone anyway. 

So, with all the anger of a thirteen-year-old boy, Trevor Askill calls Brandon Darrow a pussy.

Then Brandon just smirks at him, and asks if he wants to help finish building a bench with him. 

 

That’s how it starts.

Trevor can tell that his crush started back at camp that first year, masking his admiration with annoyance and anger. But it doesn’t truly develop, forcing its way out until another party almost three years later.

There’s a party at Sean’s house and Brandon’s coerced him into going. 

Trevor doesn’t consider himself asocial. Its sophomore year and he has a good number of people he hangs around with. Being friends with Brandon brought a certain popularity to Trevor as well. He doesn’t hate it. Although, he would prefer a Friday night to consist of a Wes Anderson marathon with Sean and Brandon, like they’d previously discussed. But Sean surprises them with a last-minute party he’s throwing because Nicki’s parents didn’t leave for their business trip when they said they would.

Being the only sober person at a party can suck sometimes. Everyone’s dancing. Or flirting. Or throwing up. Sean sneaked off with Hailey at some point, and Trevor can’t help the way his stomach turns for Nicki. Sean’s his friend. He loves Sean. But cheating just doesn’t sit right with Trevor.

He decides he’s had enough when a girl tries to sit on his lap and walks up the stairs of Sean’s house. There’s three bedrooms. Sean’s, his parents, and a spare. Knowing Sean is most likely in his own room, and not wanting to go into his parents, he opens the door to the guest room.

He doesn’t expect to see Brandon sitting on the edge on the bed on his phone. Brandon looks up and nods his head at Trevor in acknowledgement. Trevor flops face down on the bed with a groan, complaining about everything and nothing. 

His friend has a tequila bottle in his hand, with some of its content missing. Trevor still doesn’t really drink, doesn’t feel the need to. But he takes a swig of the drink when Brandon offers it to him. He’s not drunk, and he doesn’t think Brandon is either. Maybe a little tipsy, much nothing major.

He moves to sit next to his friend when his neck starts to hurt. Brandon tells him his dad had just texted him not to come home that night. 

_(A couple months into their friendship Brandon tells him why he was crying that night. That his father is a violent man. That he sometimes likes to take it out on Brandon. That he’s never felt so free until he was no where near his father. Trevor thinks he doesn’t deserve the title. A strong fury that he’s never felt before builds in him, suddenly hating that man with all his being.)_

 

Much like that night years before, Trevor rests him hand on Brandon’s shoulder. The blonde doesn’t hesitate to rest his head on the bridge between Trevor’s neck and Shoulder. Trevor pulls him in closer. 

At some point, Brandon’s head moves up a little, his forehead now lightly pressing into Trevor’s jaw. Trevor knew they were close, but feeling the other boy breath into his neck really reminded him of their closeness. He swears he can feel Brandon’s lips brush over his neck at one point. On accident, of course. 

But then he feels Brandon’s lips again. 

And again. 

And again.

Trevor can’t ignore that. His hearts beating so fast he’s scared its going to smash out his chest and out the window facing him. Because Brandon’s kissing his neck. It light, barely there, but its happening. 

Trevor loves Brandon. He’s his best friend. And sure, sometimes he feels a tinge of emotion when he makes the older boy laugh. Yeah, his eyes have lingered for a couple seconds when Brandon changes shirts in front of him. And, okay, Trevor can’t picture his life without Brandon Darrow by his side. But he doesn’t let any of these thoughts linger. Mainly because that means he needs to address something else that’s been harboring in him for years before he even met Brandon

It hits him all at once. Trevor’s never going to find someone like Brandon in his life ever again. All they emotions he sees in romance films. The way his parents were when he was still a child. He wants that. And he can’t picture it happening with anyone but his best friend.

And Brandon’s _fucking kissing him._ He’s kissing at his neck. He started this. He wants that, maybe as much as Trevor wants this. And that thought is exhilarating to Trevor.

Setting aside all his doubts, Trevor whispers a small _Brandon_ and then his friend looks at him. 

The blonde boy’s gaze is soft. A little sad, a little warm, and maybe some love, Trevor would like to think. He rests his forehead against Brandon’s, still looking into his eyes. A signal. _I want this as well._

Brandon closes the distance between their lips. 

 

Trevor remembers that night with clarity. 

 

Brandon taking his bottom lip between his teeth.

 

Moving to sit on his friend’s lap.

 

Rushed hands rubbing up and down his sides.

 

Kissing down Brandon’s body.

 

Letting Brandon be his first.

 

Laying naked together afterwards, legs tangled and Trevor smiling into the crook of Brandon’s neck, before they both go to drift off.

 

Trevor could never forget that.

Before sleep took over him, Trevor felt at complete bliss. He loves Brandon Darrow. He loves him so much. He never thought he could ever be like this with him. But here they are, cuddling naked and open, vulnerable together. If Brandon feels the way he does, then this could continue. Maybe going on dates, holding hands in school, being boyfriends. It’s a comforting thought to Trevor. But he knows one thing;

He’s never been so happy before in his life.

 

Trevor wakes up alone. 

He doesn’t panic. Him and Brandon know Sean’s house like their own. He’s probably in the kitchen with pancakes or waffles for breakfast. He should join him, actually. He wonders what would happen if he wraps his arms around Brandon’s waist when he’s trying to make breakfast. If he’ll shrug him of him, pretending to be annoyed. Or indulge in the pure grossness which is romance. Trevor would be fine with either. 

He can’t wipe the wide smile on his face when he hears his phone buzz beside him. Grabbing the phone he notices that its half twelve in the afternoon, and he has a few texts from Brandon.

 

_Brandon, 10:28: dad left for work so i went home_

_Brandon, 10:28: fuckkk dude_

_Brandon, 10:29: last night was crazy haha_

_Brandon, 10:31: tequila really makes u do stupid shit lol_

_Brandon, 10:32: barely even remember last night bro we were fcking wasted lmaooo_

_Brandon, 10:35: we dont need to talk about it tho people get drunk and fool around Its not that big a deal incase u think im fucking in love with u or something lol_

_Brandon, 10:35: see u on Monday :-)_

 

Trevor finishes the rest of the tequila bottle within ten minutes of waking up.


	2. Chapter 2

Watching himself dissolve into a shittier and shittier person by the day was probably the worst thing that had ever happen to Trevor. Not that he was rejected by Brandon before they were even a thing, not that he was even gay, but that he just let himself become a bad person.

 

Sean’s party was now reduced to ‘that night.’ They ended up never talking about it, not really. There was some light teasing and a joking wink from Brandon the Monday after it happened, but Trevor could tell the other teen hadn’t took it seriously. Not as seriously as he had taken it. ‘That night’ was only brought up when Brandon would want to push Trevor into doing something, or stop doing something. 

He was drinking. He started pushing people around. Everyone was kept at an arm’s length. And he just watched as all this happened. It was as if some spirit took over his mind and started controlling her everyday movements, and Trevor was just too fucking tired to fight back.

 

He’s so tired.

 

That lasts about a year, give or take. 

 

Watching Brandon fall in love with Rowan Fricks from the sidelines gave him some sort of a wakeup call. Being a shitty person wasn’t going to make his life easier, its just going to make the people around him feel worse. Brandon was always the asshole out of the two of them, somewhere along the way they both became assholes. Now, it’s just Trevor. And that fucking sucks. And Rowan, the daughter of the woman that screwing his dad, being nice to him after everything he had done. 

Yeah, Trevor felt horrible.

So the decision was made. No more acting like a bully out of some eighties rom-com. It was outdated and not helping anyone. With that, he stopped. He was no longer a dickhead bully.

Now,

he was just sad.

 

He was already drinking, but he latched onto the numbness alcohol brought him once he decided he couldn’t take his pain out on others. Hurting himself was the easiest option. 

A lot had happened the last couple months. He was involved in some weird ass shit he most definitely did not want to be involved in. Everything was moving at such a slow pace.

Pushing Rowan towards Brandon seemed like a good idea. He saw how the other boy would act around her, how he became better.

 _He didn’t become better around me._ Trevor thought one night, pushing his feelings down with vodka and some pills he found.

He likes Rowan. He feels- whatever the hell he feels towards Brandon. Maybe seeing them together wouldn’t hurt as much as he thinks it would. That why he wants Rowan to forgive Brandon. 

Somewhere along the line, Trevor thinks he might love Rowan as much as he loves Brandon. In different ways, obviously. He might be an angst-riddled emotionally stunted teen, but he knew he was gay. It wasn’t something he particularly hated about himself, it was just something that already brought him a lot of pain to his life without him even being out yet.

Trevor’s drinking himself to death. He doesn’t quite mind.

But Rowan does.

And Sean.

And Brandon.

 

He wasn’t sure about the last one. _Stop getting so emotional_ still rings in his ears sometimes. But after everything that had happened, there was an apology with some tears on Brandon’s end. Trevor called him a pussy, tears streaming down his own face as well.

The day Rowan found him during suicide attempt worked as a new beginning for Trevor. A new beginning to help himself and his mental health. He asked his dad if he could see a therapist. Despite being confused and dumbfounded, he agrees.

Brandon’s going to boarding school. 

He thinks he’ll be okay. He knows he not alone, and maybe not spending every second of every day attached to the other boy’s hip would be could for him (despite Brandon’s assurances that he’s going to come back every weekend and they can binge whatever TV show Trevor’s watching at the time.)

Three days before Brandon’s set to leave, Rowan comes home from Brandon's place with tears prickling her eyes. Trevor immediately takes her frame into his arms.

_”We had a long talk, and we decided it would be best if the relationship to come to an end before it begins. I love him, and he loves me, but it just wouldn’t work. I’m okay, I think.”_

Maybe, if this was a year ago, he would feel happy at hearing his sisters words. But he loves them too much to even think of whatever desires he has. So he just hugs her closer and texts Brandon later that night to check up on him.

 

Brandon kisses his forehead before he leaves.

 

Its been over six months since Brandon left. He comes down most weekends, lounging around Trevor’s house on the Friday. Going out with Sean and Trevor on the Saturday. Takeout with Rowan and Trevor on the Sunday afternoon, getting the subway back afterwards. 

It works.

Trevor’s pleasantly surprised when the other teen goes back to blonde. He always liked Brandon’s hair. It’s also getting longer, and Trevor can’t help the way his hear flutters when Brandon’s hair falls down into his eyes.

Trevor’s doing better as well. It was hard, coming back from excessive alcohol abuse. The dark, depressive thoughts that would race through his mind. Recovery wasn’t an easy process, but he’s in a better place.

Coming out as gay to everyone went so much better than expected. There were no bad reactions. Sean, haven previously confronted Trevor about his feelings for Brandon, wasn’t surprised. He did offer to make Trevor a Grindr profile for him though. Trevor hit him with a pillow. Rowan pulled him into the tightest hug he’s ever had with a kiss to his cheek and a whisper of _’Thank you for telling me’_ in his ear. His dad was awkwardly supportive, confused and maybe uncomfortable, but it was fine for Trevor because at least he was hiding it.

He tells Brandon that following Friday whilst watching Heathers with him. There was a pause, Brandon looking straight ahead. When he turned towards Trevor, making eye-contact with him, Trevor couldn’t identify what the emotion was beneath Brandon’s eyes. A few seconds later that lasted a lifetime to Trevor, Brandon pats him on the shoulder with a _’cool, man’_ and they continue watching the film.

Trevor had no idea what to think of that reaction.

 

A little over a week later, its Trevor’s eighteenth birthday. He finishes up at work at seven that night and heads back home, only to be greeted with the screams of _Surprise!_ from dozens of teenagers in his own home. He doesn’t even have that much friends. And it’s a Wednesday.

So its surprising to see Brandon up and center in his Livingroom, a cowboy hat on his head. Brandon tells him he couldn’t find a party had, so he settled for the yeehaw culture.

Rowan tells him her mom and his dad agreed to be out until two in the morning. While Trevor probably would’ve settled for a family dinner for his birthday, he wasn’t mad about the party. Spending time with Brandon was never a negative.

But he thinks Brandon was acting weird that night. Or maybe everyone was, a party without any alcohol seemed unheard of to teenagers, but his school mates respected that. Or at least they did the alcohol they brought with them pretty well. Not too well, Trevor did see some beer cans stashed behind the microwave at some point.

 

Back to Brandon. He was clingy. More so than ever before. He stayed by Trevor’s side most of the night, only leaving to go to the toilet. 

During one of these toilet breaks, Trevor sneaks away into his room and lies on his bed. Its 11PM, and Trevor’s had a good night, but after several hours around people he needs to refuel again. 

He also doesn’t know what’s up with Brandon. Why he felt the need to have at least one hand on Trevor’s body at all times during the night. It was confusing, to say the least. 

As if he could tell he was thinking about him, Brandon walks through the door of his room.

 

“Hi.” Brandon says, standing at the door.

 

“Hey.”

 

He’s still wearing the cowboy hat. He looks like such a fucking idiot Trevor can’t help but laugh at him.

 

“Fuck you laughing at, Trev? Can’t handle the fact the hat is making me ten-times hotter?” Brandon directs at him, faux annoyance in his voice.

 

Trevor just smiles at the boy’s words. “Oh yeah, dude. That’s definitely it.” He teases.

 

Brandon huffs and body jumps onto the bed next to him. Trevor moves over to give him some space, resting up on his elbow facing his friend.

 

Its silent for a while before Brandon speaks up. “Hey, Trev?” He says into the pillow, before moving his head to face him.

 

Trevor hesitate because of the softness in his voice. “Yeah?” He whispers back.

 

“I’ve been meaning to talk to you.” Brandon says, gazing into Trevor’s eyes.

 

“Oh.” There’s a feeling of dread in Trevor’s stomach, that couldn’t mean anything good. “Okay, what is it.”

 

It appears that Brandon’s picked up on the panic in Trevor’s eyes, “It’s nothing bad, its just- “ he starts, sitting up against the headboard. He looks down at Trevor before continuing. “I’m sorry.”

 

Trevor wasn’t expecting that.

 

“Sorry? What for?” He asks. He has no idea what Brandon is referring to. He moves to sit up next to the other boy.

 

Brandon studies his face for a few seconds. Trevor can’t deny it makes him a little insecure. 

 

“That night.”

 

Oh.

“Why are you bringing this up now?” He asks, because he has no idea why its been brought it. It hasn’t been talked about since before Brandon left, it seems like such a weird time to talk about it again.

He sees Brandon gulp and look away for a brief moment, before he starts talking. “Because, I’ve just recently realized something.” 

Brandon continues when Trevor keeps his mouth shut. “I used you, that night. I was sad, and alone, and I thought maybe you were into me. I sorta dismissed that thought in the morning though, blamed it on the tequila even though I knew neither of us were drunk. And I noticed the way you were spiraling afterwards, but I just ignored it. I didn’t want to think that it had anything to do with me.”

Trevor’s about to interrupt, but Brandon’s insistent to keep going. “I’m sorry I took your virginity then acted like it was nothing. I thought that if I kept saying it didn’t mean anything, then it magically wouldn’t. But then, last week, when you came out, I realized how much I fucked it all up.” 

Brandon’s voice breaks at the end, causing Trevor’s heart to ache. “You didn’t fuck it all up.” Is all he manages to get out.

“But I did. I-I was being so stupid, I know. And I hurt you, and I’m just so sorry.” Brandon wipes at his face, drying himself of his tears. Trevor wants to wipe them away for him, but he stays put.

Hearing Brandon apologize for that night was something Trevor thought would never happen. Its been ignored, used against him, laughed off all by Brandon that Trevor just didn’t think an apology was in the question. 

Truth be told, Trevor hadn’t forgiven him for it. He loves Brandon, they’re best friends. But being used made him feel so dirty and wrong. But he knew Brandon has changed since then, so even if he never said sorry for it, Trevor decided not to hold it against him.

But then Brandon apologized. And Trevor doesn’t fight the words that come out his mouth.

 

“I forgive you.”

 

He said it quietly, but Brandon hears him just fine. “Really?” He asks, voice full of insecurity.

 

Trevor can see how vulnerable Brandon is right now. He’s opening up to him, being truthful and considerate. Its all Trevor’s ever wanted from his best friend. So, yeah, he’s forgiven him. 

“Yeah. Thank you.” He says, lightly grasping Brandon’s arm in his hand.

 

Brandon seems confused from the thanks. “For what, toying with your emotions?” He spits out angrily. Not at Trevor, but himself. Trevor can see that.

“No, for apologizing. That’s all I’ve really wanted from you, for the most part.” Trevor rubs his thumb on Brandon’s arm, trying to comfort him.

Brandon stays quiet for a couple seconds. They’re just looking at each other, completely open and defenseless. “What else do you want, Trev?” He asks, a silent plead in his eyes.

Trevor knows what he wants. He knows what he’s always wanted. 

 

Its Brandon. 

 

It’s always been Brandon.

 

“You.” He admits, but he can’t look Brandon in the eye, so he looks down to where his hand is resting on the other boy’s arm.

He doesn’t say it for Brandon to say it back, nor does he say it to be pitied. He just wants to be honest.

He knows its been silent for a while now, and he refuses to look up and see the expression on Brandon’s face. He doesn’t know what it would be, he doubts it would be of disgust, or anger. But he still doesn’t want to look up. Then, he sees Brandon’s other hand come up and rest on top of his own. Slowly, he intertwines their fingers together and holds on tight.

He’s holding his breath. And he’s not sure what’s happening. With all the emotions running through his mind, he looks back to Brandon’s face.

Trevor doesn’t say anything, he just questions Brandon with his eyes. 

 

“Trevor,” Brandon says, longing in his voice. “I want you too.”

 

And maybe Trevor lied before when he thought all he ever wanted was for Brandon to apologize. Because, as those words left the boys mouth, he realized that’s what he craved the most.

 

Brandon brings his hand to rest on Trevor’s jaw. He runs the area slightly, while looking Trevor in the eye. “Can you kiss me, please?”

 

They’re close. Not close enough for Trevor to feel Brandon’s breath on his lips, but if he moved an inch closer then he would. Trevor realizes something before he replies.

 

“I can’t,” He says. He sees the way Brandon’s eye get full of worry, afraid he’s done something wrong, before Trevor decides to elaborate. “Your hat’s in the way.” 

 

Brandon takes a few seconds to digest the boy’s words, and then he’s double over laughing. And its such a beautiful sight Trevor can’t help but join in.

 

“Stupid. Fuckin’. Cowboy hat!” Brandon says between laughs, throwing the hat to the ground. “Ruining my big moment.” Trevor just laughs at him again.

 

Eventually, the laughs die down. And its back to them looking at each other. It feels lighter now, but somethings on Trevor’s mind.

 

“Do you really want that?” Trevor asks quietly. “Want me?” He adds, insecurity riddling his voice.

 

Sensing his uncertainty, Brandon puts his hand on the side of Trevor’s head, playing with the hair there. “I think I’ve always wanted you, I was just too dumb to notice until recently. This isn’t a trick to sleep with you again, or humiliate you. I just- want to be with you fully. And I want you to be with me, if you’d still want that, would you?”

 

Trevor doesn’t answer with any words. Instead, he kisses his best friend square on the lips. He’s kissing Brandon, and he’s missed the taste of his lips. He wonders how he went so long without this, he missed it so much. Its sweet, and slow, and Brandon’s cradling his face so gently Trevor thinks he’s going to cry because of soft it is. 

 

Trevor pulls back, barely an inch away from the boy he’s just kissed face. “Yes, Brandon.” He kisses him again for barely a second. “I’d like that.”

 

Loving Brandon Darrow was like a million punches to the gut.

 

It hurt, pained, and made Trevor feel horrible for the longest time. 

 

But waking up the morning after they’d confessed their feeling for each other, wrapped in the other boys’ arms, head against Brandon’s heartbeat. Being able to snuggle in closer and feel the other boy hold him tighter,

 

He’d do it all over again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo. Its finished. Tbh i have no idea where this came from, i was just thinking of how realistically they could be together in the show and this happened. And i love Brevor (Yes, i say brevor. Trandon's ugly whoops.) Feedbacks always appriciated,as well as suggestions for any other one-shots for literally any pairing on the show. tumblr is bisexualbrowan and twitter is juliawiicker if u wanna shout about this with me lmao. Also, i have a multi-chap Nicki/Rowan fic im working on thats going to have background brevor, so y'all should give that a read if u want. Anyways thanks for reading, yeehaw :)


End file.
